“Hey! It’s up to you now!”

Thanks for joining me!

Here it is, my first broadcast, coming at your eyeballs live and fresh off my keyboard. First things first, thank you for reading and being awesome. Next thing is, I’m just figuring out how this works, so bare with me, and we can travel together. A journey is always better with a friend.

There’s a lot of people I’ve known over the years that have taken major leaps of faith: moving to new places, doing new things, changing careers, changing relationships, or making new humans. For the moment, this blog is about one of the biggest things I’ve ever chosen to do; leaving the city I was born and raised in and moving to Vancouver Island. It doesn’t seem like that wild of a thing when you say it all in one sentence, “I’m moving from Edmonton Alberta to Campbell River BC.” However, this sentence, is rocking my world.

Moving to the Island is something I’ve mulled over for a long time. As a kid, the children’s hospital in Vancouver was responsible for monitoring my heart as I grew, so every year our family would make the pilgrimage out west. My parents would take us on long walks along the different beaches at low tide. We would spend hours down there poking at little crabs, and watching fish dart around the tide pools looking for shelter. The smells and sounds completely filled me, and I felt so peaceful. For those hours it wasn’t about doctors, or visiting relatives; it was about nothing. I loved everything about it, even the sand that stayed in your shoes for the next few weeks.

I had become obsessed by the idea of sending and finding messages in a bottle. The mystery of the letter… it could be someone’s deepest wish, a secret, a call for help, or even (as truly hoped) a treasure map.

I remember thinking about what to say, and in the end, my dad helped me write “I am Tegan” along with the date and where I was. Throwing it out into the water was so exciting! Like throwing a dream into the universe and saying, “Hey! It’s up to you now!” I hope someone found the bottle, and it made their day, otherwise I just littered. (And yes, this is a verifiable story, my parents would love to tell you all about it.)

I feel that same kind of excitement now, throwing myself into the unknown, inside a glass bottle of expectations.

Sometimes, it’s easier to dream about something than to actually commit to pursuing it. This whole thing has become something I didn’t expect. A delicate undoing of the fabric of my life. For what are we, but a sum of our choices? If someone asked you, “What is something you wish you would’ve done?” or “What is something you wish you could change in your life?” What would your answer be?

We all have one, “the road un-walked”, “the door unopened”, the “what if’s?”

Now, after you describe the things you would change, or the dream you always wanted to pursue, the person pulls out a button and says, “Push this and everything you said will come true.” Whoaaaaaaaa, whoa, whoa! Now, you’re suddenly faced with the responsibility of your wishes. Suddenly, you have to think about what you already have, and weigh it against the unknown. Every choice you’ve made has led you to this exact moment; reading these words.

My last day of work was just this last Friday. It snuck up on me like a wedding day. Seeming so far away and then suddenly, all at once it was over. The emotional overload was a giant wave that came crashing down, and left me in bed for a whole day.

I prepared myself for dealing with people’s disappointment, discouragement, or even anger. All our conversations tinged with a loss we would both feel. What I wasn’t prepared for was that along with the sorrow, there was an overwhelming amount of support and love. I was tremendously touched by thank you cards, gifts, flowers, and surprise visits. All of it made me really appreciate, with the deepest gratitude, that I’ve been truly blessed here.

I would never want anyone to think I took a moment for granted, or am ungrateful for my life here. I love everyone so much, I just think that the ocean stole my heart, a long time ago.

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